Am I the Narcissist? The Unspoken Agony Every Survivor Faces.

If you're asking this, it's not what you think. Discover the 12 critical distinctions that set you free.

Man, Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

I know the pain of this question.

I’ve felt the agony of not knowing the answer.

If you’re asking yourself this question, know that it’s common for narcissist victims to ask themselves this very thing — sometimes several times per day.

It’s very confusing when you’ve been gaslit for a long time. You’ve been trained to believe something is wrong with you.

And for many, your willingness to believe it didn’t start with this relationship. You developed codependent traits in childhood.

Those codependent traits make you…

• Feel intense shame

• Seek acceptance, approval, and love from others

• Feel the need to control your environment

• Have difficulty setting boundaries

• A people-pleaser

• Extremely loyal — even at your own risk

• Disconnected from your emotions and needs

Here’s where it gets confusing. Most narcissists are codependent, too.

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People used to think narcissists and codependents were on opposite ends of the same spectrum. Not true.

• So is your perfectionism seeking approval out of codependency? Or is it a need to feel superior due to narcissism?

• Is your controlling nature a narcissistic desire for power and control or is it an attempt to control any aspect of your life, when it feels out of control?

• Is your people-pleasing designed to gain love, acceptance, and approval as a codependent or are you a vulnerable, covert narcissist?

Given the narcissists and flying monkeys in your life tell you something is wrong with you, it would be unusual for you not to ask this question.

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9 Critical Distinctions That Will Set You Free

When I struggled with this question, I asked myself 9 questions to give me the answer. You can read that full article here: The Ultimate Gaslighting: Making Survivors Question Themselves

1. Do you have a strong sense of self? Do you know who you are?

2. Are you empathic? Do you feel and understand what others are feeling?

3. Do you tell the truth? Are you willing to own your mistakes?

4. Do you have inner strength?

5. Do you have self-restraint?

6. Are you self-reflective?

7. Do you use self-reflection to get to know yourself better?

8. Are you committed to personal growth?

9. Are you self-responsible? Do you take responsibility for your own actions?

A narcissist would never ask if they were a narcissist. They believe they are their idealized self and that everyone else has the problem.

If you answer yes to some or many of these questions, you are not the narcissist.

I’ve shown you how codependent traits not only make you more prone to narcissistic abuse, but also more likely to worry you’re the narcissist or the problem. More importantly, I’ve given you 9 distinctions to relieve your mind when this agonizing question rears its ugly head. Next, I’ll share 3 additional questions or distinctions that will decisively show you that you are not the narcissist, so that YOU can feel clear and confident navigating YOUR relationships.

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Upon further reflection, I would add these 3 questions…